火雞吃大便

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
有一隻火雞跟一隻公牛在聊天。

I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,
火雞說：我真的很想爬到這樹枝頭上耶！

sighed the turkey, but I havent got the energy.
但是我沒力氣！

Well, why dont you nibble on some of my droppings?
牛說：嗯，沒關係，那你要不要吃一點我的牛大便（英譯：狗屁，屁話）呢？

replied the bull.Theyre packed with nutrients.
我的牛大便是很營養的喔。

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
火雞就吃了很多牛大便，就變的很強壯足夠讓火雞爬上第一排的樹枝。

The next day, after eating some more dung,
接下來的一天，火雞又吃了很多牛大便（狗屁，屁話）

he reached the second branch.
讓火雞可以爬上第二排枝頭。

Finally after a fortnight,
最後，兩個禮拜過後，

there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
火雞終於爬上枝頭很安穩的在休息，

Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer,
好景不常，一位農夫發現這隻火雞，

who shot the turkey out of the tree.
開槍把火雞打死了。

Moral of the story:
這故事告訴你：

Bull***** might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.
(狗屁，屁話）或許可以讓你爬的更高，但不可能讓你成功一輩子。

Who is the Boss?

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
當一個身體剛完成的時候，所有的器官想要當這身體的老大。

The brain said, I should be Boss because I control the whole bodys responses
and functions.
頭腦就說；我應該當老大，因為我支配著整個身體的運作，反應跟功能。

The hands said, We should be the Boss because
接著手就說了；我應該當老大因為都是我在做事賺錢。

we do all the work and earn all the money. And so it went on and on with the
heart,
所以這樣的爭執就一直繼續著，心臟，肺臟跟眼睛也加入爭執，
the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.

最後屁眼（英譯：白癡）也說話要當老大！

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss.
所有的器官一同取笑屁眼想當老大，

So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
屁眼一氣之下，將自己塞起來，不爽，罷工去了

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet
twitched,
在很短的時間內，眼睛、手腳就開始不聽使喚，

the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
心肺也開始失去功能

Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the
motion was passed.
最後，大家還是決議讓屁眼當老大，

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out
the *****!
所以, 當所有的器官都在做事時, 就老大坐著拉屎（英譯：說屁話）

Moral of the story:
這故事告訴你：

You dont need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.
想當老大根本不需要大腦！任何白癡都可以當！

很深奧的學問吧@@!!
(其實本來想幫它翻譯個中文名字 屁眼最大...@@)

兔子與烏鴉

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
有一隻 烏鴉整天就坐在樹上，但就是不做事。

A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him,
之後就有一隻兔子看到烏鴉，就問說：

Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?
我能學你這樣子就坐在這兒整天不用做事嗎？

The crow answered: Sure, why not.
烏鴉就說啦：當然可以，為啥不行？

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
所以，兔子就在樹的底下休息起來，

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
突然的，有一隻狐狸出現把兔子給吃了。

Moral of the story is:
這故事告訴你：

To be sitting and doing nothing,
想要整天坐著不做事，

you must be sitting very, very high up.
你就必須高高在上

這讓我得到3個想法.

1.屁話非常營養.

2.屁眼就是老大.

3.下面比較安全.

.............冏"