圖：我家鄰居簡爺爺養的「迷你豬」（麻煩芳鄰對照一下旁邊那台機車）。他很偲奶喔，對食物，可挑剔的，簡爺爺每天要餵他一條瑞穗鮮奶吐司，討好他，換得他摳摳摳的「甜言蜜語」。你們瞧瞧，他那眼神，可睿智的吧。
美國CBS 60 Minutes主持人Andy Rooney，是位熱情、幽默、練達又睿智的老先生，他在八十高壽那年，慷慨送給了世人如此洞悉兩性關係的風趣文章。去年他辭世，想必，嘴角是帶著一抹耐人尋味的笑容吧！
英文部分是Andy Rooney的原文，中文部分是我的翻譯，不盡然「信」，但兼顧「雅」、「達」，可能，還偷渡了一嗲嗲熟女的「個人觀感」。
如果芳鄰問我，妳是Andy Rooney筆下那個獨立不婚的熟女族群嗎？我的答案是，喔！不不不！因為，「我想買回整頭豬！」，如果那頭豬，熱情、幽默、練達又睿智。
哈哈！
As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all.
隨著年齡增長，我越來越珍惜40歲以上的女人。
Here are just a few reasons why？
為什麼呢？
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask,"What are you thinking?"
40歲以上的女人不會在半夜把你吵醒，然後問你：你在想什麼？
She doesn t care what you think.
她才不在乎你在想什麼。
If a woman over 40 doesn t want to watch the game, she doesn t sit around whining about it.
40歲以上的女人如果不想看球賽，她不會坐在你旁邊抱怨東抱怨西。
She does something she wants to do, and it s usually more interesting.
她會去做她想做的、往往更有趣的事情。
Women over 40 are dignified.
40歲以上的女人自尊自重。
They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.
她們很少會在歌劇院或高級餐廳裡跟你大呼小叫。
Of course, if you deserve it, they won t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
當然，如果你活該，她們會毫不猶豫當場一槍把你給斃了。
Older women are generous with praise,often undeserved.
熟女不吝於讚美 (雖然常是謬讚)。
They know what it s like to be unappreciated.
因為她們親身體驗過不被欣賞的滋味。
Women get psychic as they age.
女人越老越通靈。
You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
你永遠不需要向40歲以上的女人懺悔。
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
只要能夠對皺紋視而不見，40歲以上的女人遠比年輕美眉性感。
Older women are forthright and honest.
熟女直接又誠實。
They ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are like one.
如果你是混蛋她們會馬上叫你滾蛋。
You don t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
你完全不需要傷腦筋揣摩她的心意。
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.
是的，我們有太多理由去讚美40歲以上的女人。
Unfortunately, it s not reciprocal.
很不幸的，40歲以上的男人就很抱歉。
For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants, making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.
相對於每一個令人驚艷的、聰明的、性感的40歲以上的女人，就有一個禿頭凸肚的熟男，跟小他20歲的美眉調情搞得讓自己出盡洋相。
Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say,
女士們，請容許我為說出下面這句蠢話的男人道歉，
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?",
「只想喝免費牛奶的話幹嘛要買頭母牛回家？」，
here s an update for you.
有新版本的說法出現了。
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
當今有80%的女人寧願不結婚。
Why?
為什麼呢？
Because women realize it s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
因為她們終於了解不需要為了一根「小小的香腸」，而買回整頭豬！ |
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